At this exact moment I am sitting on the bed, in my parents house, where I planned to take my own life several years ago!
Anxiety told me I would never be able to come back here. Anxiety told me I would definitely NEVER sleep here. Anxiety told me I would ALWAYS be haunted by memories.
In fact Anxiety told me a lot of stuff and still tries to even now but I have learned that 99% of what Anxiety tells me is BS!
You see to get to this room I have a bit of a journey. I have to travel over 500 miles and I do it by car on my own!
Yesterday we had many weather warnings here in the UK. Snow ,wind and rain were all given yellow warnings and it just so happened to be the day I had to drive down from Scotland to Buckinghamshire in England. I have driven this route many times but it was during a few scary moments on the motorway that I realised just how much I CAN do.
Anxiety tries to tell me I can't cope with traffic or being alone or ....just about everything and anything but you know what ??I bloody well CAN.
There was a lot of water on the roads and the spray from other vehicles made visibility very poor. I realised I was breathing quite fast as I gripped the steering wheel tight and began to grind my teeth (attractive lol) as I concentrated hard on driving. This is when Anxiety popped up,
hello.....are you feeling under pressure? Are you a little nervous? Are you starting to doubt yourself yet? oooooh that's was a big lorry to overtake, did you see how the wind nearly blew it over on top of you? Blimey it could've fallen on your car and squashed you!! You could've have been badly injured and bled to death as you called for help. Yes that's it ...let's get your heart pumping much faster and in fact let's add a little sweat on you forehead and..........
Anxiety....Do one!!!!! Just piss off!!!
So there I am on the motorway and I can't exactly stop and meditate!!! This is where 7-11 breathing is amazing. You can use it anywhere. I started to check that my out breath was longer than my in breath which is basically 7-11 breathing.
I think because I use it so much my body seems to react to it almost instantly but for new users it does take time and practice although it always works whether you are new to it or not.
Anyway...I survived my journey through the elements and am now at my parents home catching up with friends and family. If I had listened to Anxiety I wouldn't have got this far and would be berating myself for being so weak and incapable.......so today's message is......Don't listen to Chronic Anxiety! It lies and it wants to control you through fear. Find a healthy way to control it and kicks it's butt!! You CAN do more! Believe it!
I'm off to do what I want to do.
Take care
Cx
