Deep down, where I rarely go, it's there, the sense that something is missing and it makes me sad.
As an image it would be portrayed as a small child sitting alone on the stairs crying or perhaps a youngster cowering in fear hiding under the table or maybe it's you standing still as the world rushes by and doesn't see you.
I am at a loss. I feel lost.
The pain, the fear, the loss, flow down my face in the form of tears. I feel so very alone. Could it be that I am that child on the stairs.
I am the one waiting for the comforting embrace?
So where do we go when the bleakness of grief or loss sets in? Where do we find comfort and safety? Who do we turn to when no one seems to have time for us because they have heard it all before? When it feels like the world is happy to leave us stranded and isolated?
Firstly express those emotions and honour them. For it is when we hold onto the pain, the frustration or the anger that we start to turn in on ourselves. We start that conversation in our heads that gets stuck in a loop leading to resentment and bitterness.
Suppressing the darker emotions and feeling unheard can build up a wall that prevents us from allowing the goodness in. It can stop us from recognising the blessings that are still present in our lives.
I know that sometimes it seems it's ok for the world to be angry but not me. It seems to me that if you shout louder and longer you matter and what you have to say matters more than those who find that shouting is not their way.
So I say let the tears flow, let the unhappiness that is grief or loss that is consuming you go. Let it go, let those feelings out. Be what you feel inside because once you allow this torrent of emotions out you can begin the journey towards a place of peace. We will never forget our losses but we can get to a place where remembering them is not so scary and devastating.
Where is that place of peace I hear you say?
For me it is in my own eyes. It is when I look in the mirror and into the depths of my eyes. It is there that I realise that I am here for me. I am here for myself and no one and nothing can take that away from me. There is see a love. Not an egotistical one for my looks but somewhere much deeper. It's hard to put into words but I shall try.
Imagine somewhere in a universe, whether this one we know or elsewhere, there is a huge mass of swirling golden energy. This energy is kindness, goodness, and emanating out of it's core, is love, the most amazing universal love. In this love is no agenda, no manipulation, no judgement, no conditions. It is just love in its purest form.
I believe we all have this golden energy within us and how we live will dictate how this grows or shrinks within us. However we ALL have it. The next bit is personal to me so I will only share if asked. Anyway, we are all connected by this loving energy and it is this I see when I look deep into my eyes. The golden glow brings warmth and comfort. The light itself illuminates all that is good in my life and the truth of this love brings my power and gives me strength.
So there it is. It maybe be a fairy tale to you but for me it is where my healing comes from.
If you are grieving or feeling a loss of some kind please don't be alone with it. Keep reaching out and speaking up. You have as much right to be heard as any other living being.
Much Love & fairy tales
Cx
