Not Good Enough
Updated: Nov 8, 2020
I don't know about you but I frequently have to fight off feelings and thoughts that I am not good enough. This is one particular gremlin that has been around for me since a pretty young age. I could go into reasons why I think this way but that isn't going to stop the thoughts etc from coming. I know they are easily triggered in my relationships, work and hobbies.....so everywhere really lol.
So what do I do about the little buggers??? Hmmm.
I guess initially I look for validation externally e.g ask my fella if I make him happy or seek reassurance from a work colleague that my efforts are up to standard.
The problem with this is that I am relying on others for my self-worth and acceptance. Why is this a problem? Well what happens when they don't provide the reassurance that I need?Or that my gremlins cause me not to trust that what I hear is true, that the person is lying to make me feel better? How do I manage my self-doubt then?
The answer, for me, is something that takes time and practice.
Firstly, I have to recognise that I am doubting myself and bring awareness into the situation.
Secondly, I need to stop the spiral of thought in its tracks. I can do this by asking if what I think and feel in that moment has any evidence of truth, or I can just say STOP!
Stopping the thoughts and feelings by thinking of something that brings warm and fuzzy feelings is always good. This is where a joy diary comes in handy.(See my Joy Diary blog).
Take a few calming breaths and then if the thoughts and feelings persist look again for evidence of your inadequacy.
If you find that you have made a mistake don't be so hard on yourself. Keep those calming breaths coming and apply some compassion. See if there is a way you can learn from the mistake and adapt to it.
If these feelings have come about for no obvious reason check in with yourself e.g am I tired, hungry, hydrated,bored? Do I need to act on something e.g eat, take a nap, get active?
So say you have checked it and ticked all the boxes maybe it's time to develop you self-worth muscle?
Maybe it's time to start exercising the belief that you are good enough? Maybe it's time to start creating a new thought pattern?
Ever heard the saying 'the neurons that fire together wire together'? Well that means the more you think a certain way/thought the stronger it becomes in your brain. If you imagine taking a new route through a field at first its not so easy to see where you have been but the more times you use it the more obvious and easy the path becomes to follow. So it becomes the route you take instinctively, without much effort. Does that make sense to you?
If not google the neuron saying and see what you find.
Anyway back to flexing your self-worth muscle. This needs flexing and using like any other muscle if you want it to become strong. How do you flex it and work it? By trusting that you are enough. I was about to say to make a list of all your good qualities and what you like about yourself but do you know what?.....That helps but ultimately you already are enough. You are enough because you are here, you exist and because of this I believe you are enough.
So I dare you today to start building that self-worth muscle and say to yourself 'I am good enough.I am enough'